i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
