Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
