Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just found puke in my bra..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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