She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
