He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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