Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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