Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
