Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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