Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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