you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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