Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
