i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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