I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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