my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
