and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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