i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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