I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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