omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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