Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
