Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
