ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
