I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
