Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
