you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
