i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
