I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
