I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
