I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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