I could have mohawked her pubes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
