I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
