all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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