my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
