Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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