Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sext me about skeletons
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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