We're facebook friends in real life
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
