You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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