careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
