If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
