So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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