Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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