dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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