He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
