You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
