I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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