just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
