This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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