When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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