you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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