Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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