Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
