This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
