so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
