You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
