Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
