I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
