my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
